Chapter 5

    After laying there imagining for a while I drifted off asleep somehow. I dreamt of us. That what happened, never happened. That he was still here.

 In the dream we had finished our walk in the woods. We actually hopped into Jon's car and he brought us home. Once we were home Richie ordered dinner in that night and we ate on the back patio by the fire and finely lit pool. Once we ate he brought up the subject.

"Sweetheart, how do you feel about us having a baby?" he softly asked.

I almost choked on the tea I was drinking.

"A baby?" I asked as i sat the tea back down.

"Yeah," he said with a smile.

"Well we are married now. Why would I say no?"

He smiled back at me.

    I was suddenly awoken by the sound of the front door opening and closing. I heard a female's voice greeting Jon. It was Denise. I móped out of bed and put on my house robe. I was trying to tie the front closed as I opened the door and went into the living room. Somehow seeing her and him without Richie there made tears begin to stream down my face again.

"Oh honey..."she said as she walked up to me and hugged me.

Jon stood there, not sure what to do. Denise stopped hugging me.

"Listen, I know you miss him but he wouldn't want you being like this. He would understand but wouldn't want this. Just remember he'll never truly be gone. He'll always be here with you," she said.

I nodded and looked to the floor, tears still flowing. 

"Do you need anything?" She asked.

"Just.... just him," I said as I looked up at her and my lips began to tremble, "I'll be in the guitar room."

I walked away.  I stopped in front of the door, slowly opened it and turned on the light.  I went inside and closed the door gently behind me. Being in there made me feel a little better. I ran my fingers over the tops of the amps and some of the guitars. Yes I could play, I began playing in my teenage years because of Richie himself. I used it to get to him, it was the only way I knew how. I picked up his Martin 1948 000 42, a pick and sat down on a stool. I began to play whatever my heart desired. I remembered both of us coming to this room sometimes to shut out the world and just jam together, I closed my eyes to picture that.
I snapped out of it when Jon knocked and opened the door. I continued to play and he pulled up a stool and sat in front of me to talk.
"playing already?" he asked.
"It's like I am talking to him," I said.
He smiled.
"Well I know he hears you,"
I stared down at the guitar for a moment.
"Jon?" I asked.
"yes?"
"why aren't I constantly crying? Instead it's just extreme pain inside and it wants to stay there." I said as I looked him in the eyes.
He was silent for a moment, as if wondering what to say.
"You're still in shock. It all is happening so fast. You will eventually," he said.
"How long have I been in here?"
"a couple hours. I came to check on you. Denise is here because Lorenza didn't know how to handle it. When I called Denise she said she would be right over. She's probably a better choice anyhow seeing she was his personal assistant,"
I nodded in understanding.
"A lot of paperwork came in that you have to fill out for Richie,"he said, "but only when you are ready. It has to be done soon but take your time. Just the funeral papers need to be finished, the rest can wait a little longer."
I nodded again. I dreaded it all so much.