Chapter 6

    After I was finished playing, I placed the pick back where it was and carefully sat the guitar on it's stand. I walked over to his black ESP LTD SA-2 and gently ran my fingers over the finish. I flashed back to seeing him onstage playing it. Him looking over at me and smiling, winking before he looked back at the crowd. I smiled at the memory and tears filled my eyes. I kissed my fingers and touched the guitar.

"ya know, he loved you very much," said Denise from the doorway.

I looked quickly over to her. She had scared me. I nodded.

"I know," I said.

"Sorry I startled you," she said as she sat on the stool Jon was earlier.

I sat down on mine.

"He talked about you a lot when you weren't around. Constantly on his mind. . . "

I smiled and played with my wedding ring using my thumb.

"Before you got engaged he'd always say 'I swear to God I will marry that woman' and I could tell in his eyes and in the tone of his voice that he was very serious even though it was cliche,"

"I never would've settled for anything less than marriage with him. I've always wanted him and only him,"

"He was the same way. Everything with you was completely different than with others in the past,"

By now I had taken off the robe. She glanced down and looked at my wrist. I felt insecure and crossed my arms to cover it.

"I see them, you don't have to hide. It's okay. I have done it before too," she said.

I relaxed.

"I have since I was a teenager. Richie was the only thing that kept me from it. He was the only thing that kept me alive. The only thing that made me happy... and now-" I said, shaking..

I began to cry. She slid her chair close to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Shhhhhh," she said.

I wanted to run away from her. As if I could run straight into Richie's open arms if I did.

"I hope he never expects me to remarry because I refuse, he's the only one for me,"

"Shhh I'm sure he doesn't. He wanted you with him and probably would've killed anyone who kept him from you,"

"Does this mean that we were both wrong, that he wasn't the one?"

"no honey, he was the one. It was just his time to go I suppose. It was meant to happen. If it wasn't meant to, the archer would've missed or you wouldn't have been on the trip in the first place."

"I wish the archer got me too after him,"

"Didn't you hold his hand till he was gone?" she asked.

"yes... I did,"

"Then you could have died before him and he would've been without you and filled with pain,"

I was silent for a second.

"you're right... and I never want him to hurt again. But it hurt him to leave me, it really did,"

"Yes because of this, Jessika Because he loved you. Because he needed you and knew you needed him in return. Knew whatever plans he had made for the future, would never happen. He wouldn't wake up to you again and you would wake up to emptiness,"

I didn't know what to say but I knew that everything she said was right.

We sat in silence for a few minutes and then I decided to speak again.

"He had plans to ask me if I was ready to have a child with him," I said.

"Richie would've been the perfect dad," she said as she patted and rubbed my back.

"yes, yes he would've" I said, "but what if this happened after we decided to have one. . . say what if I was pregnant, they would never know him. . . I would have to find love again, but there is no love to me without him. Richie is love."