All I could feel was coldness inside. The ride to the hospital with no siren felt like we were going in slow motion and it reminded me that he was gone. They told me I was allowed to lift down the sheet. I slowly lifted it down. He was already pale but still warm. His head wobbled side to side as we hit a few rough patches in the road and I cringed. It deeply bothered me. I ran my fingers through his hair and touched his hand through the sheet. I began to cry again. I gently caressed his forehead and hand with my thumbs. There was a paramedic in the back with me, the only girl. She grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around me in silence. I looked at her as she sat back down. She nodded at me and I could see in her eyes that she felt bad for me.
When we arrived I was asked to go in the front and sit in the lobby. Before I left I asked them to wait a second before they took him. I walked over to him and kissed his forehead. I then gently pulled at the sheet to cover his face and I shook violently. I couldn't do it. Jon walked up to us and he wrapped his hand around my wrist. I looked at him."you don't have to do that, they will," he said.
I began to cry again and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me and nodded at the paramedics to take Richie away.
"Shhhhh," he softly said as he rubbed my back.
"Jon... I-"
"Let's go inside,"
We walked to the lobby and he kept his arm around me. I enclosed the blanket around me and held it tight. We sat down on a small couch in the lobby. In a few minutes a doctor with a clipboard walked in our direction.
"Mrs. Sambora?" he asked.
I nodded.
"I'm sorry for your loss, the police will be here soon to ask you both questions. We just have one question, what is your wish for his body?"
My whole body began to shake, my mouth got dry and my throat seemed to close in and suffocate me.
"no autopsy, we'll have a proper funeral. He didn't ever write a will...." I said.
He wrote on his clipboard what I said.
"Okay ma'am that's all," he said as he flipped the paper down, looked up at me, and walked away.
Jon and I never said a word to each other. I didn't want to speak.
In about 20 minutes the police arrived. They walked up to us and talked to us separately.
"I'm sorry for your loss Mrs. Sambora, but I need you to tell me everything that happened," the officer said.
I told him that I was behind them a few yards and that we were walking in the woods.
"I only saw Jon helping him to the ground. I never saw another person other than us nor hear anyone," I said as I began to cry again.
I felt completely worthless because I couldn't help in getting justice for him.
The officer asked me where we lived, how long I have known him, how long he and I had been married and if we had any children. I answered the questions
He wrote everything I said down on a small notepad, making notes. I looked over at Jon speaking to the other officer. He looked back at me and I looked at the floor. Could I have done anything to keep Richie from dying? Could I have said more to him? Could I have touched him more? I felt as if everything was on me. My world began to close in. Maybe I could've kept him alive and he would still be here. But if I had, he wouldn't be able to continue his career and everyone would blame me. I then began to feel selfish and I ran out the door to the parking lot to be alone. I fell to my knees and cried. Jon ran after me, and the officers followed. Jon began to get frustrated.
"I know you guys are only doing your job, but she just lost the only thing that kept her in this world. Can you just stop asking her questions? She didn't see anything and I know she didn't. I was the only one who was there the moment it happened. She was a few yards behind us, she had to stop and relieve herself and we let her have her privacy," he said.
The officers wrote what Jon just said into their notes and looked up at me.
"I'm truly sorry ma'am. We will keep in touch but we understand that you need time," the other officer said.
They tipped their hats to Jon, gave me a dirty look and left. Did they really think that I did it?!
Jon knelt down beside me and convinced me that we should go back inside. He stood and held his hand out to help me stand. When we walked inside the doctor was back. He handed me a clipboard with paperwork.
"I need you to fill out this paperwork ma'am. Turn it into the front desk when you're finished and you may go home. Also, you may have these," he said as he handed me a baggie he had in his hand that held everything that Richie had in his pockets.
It took me an hour to finish the paperwork between breaking down again and it making me sick to my stomach. Once finished I did as he said and turned it into the front desk. Jon drove me back home in the dark. He decided to stay on the couch in the living room instead of the guest room so he could be closer to me in case I needed anything. I took a shower and put myself to bed. I couldn't sleep with knowing he wasn't beside me and never would be again. I started to cry and shake. I felt so cold. All of a sudden relaxation slammed into me and my tears stopped flowing. I began to feel warm and safe again, and I drifted off to sleep.
He wrote everything I said down on a small notepad, making notes. I looked over at Jon speaking to the other officer. He looked back at me and I looked at the floor. Could I have done anything to keep Richie from dying? Could I have said more to him? Could I have touched him more? I felt as if everything was on me. My world began to close in. Maybe I could've kept him alive and he would still be here. But if I had, he wouldn't be able to continue his career and everyone would blame me. I then began to feel selfish and I ran out the door to the parking lot to be alone. I fell to my knees and cried. Jon ran after me, and the officers followed. Jon began to get frustrated.
"I know you guys are only doing your job, but she just lost the only thing that kept her in this world. Can you just stop asking her questions? She didn't see anything and I know she didn't. I was the only one who was there the moment it happened. She was a few yards behind us, she had to stop and relieve herself and we let her have her privacy," he said.
The officers wrote what Jon just said into their notes and looked up at me.
"I'm truly sorry ma'am. We will keep in touch but we understand that you need time," the other officer said.
They tipped their hats to Jon, gave me a dirty look and left. Did they really think that I did it?!
Jon knelt down beside me and convinced me that we should go back inside. He stood and held his hand out to help me stand. When we walked inside the doctor was back. He handed me a clipboard with paperwork.
"I need you to fill out this paperwork ma'am. Turn it into the front desk when you're finished and you may go home. Also, you may have these," he said as he handed me a baggie he had in his hand that held everything that Richie had in his pockets.
It took me an hour to finish the paperwork between breaking down again and it making me sick to my stomach. Once finished I did as he said and turned it into the front desk. Jon drove me back home in the dark. He decided to stay on the couch in the living room instead of the guest room so he could be closer to me in case I needed anything. I took a shower and put myself to bed. I couldn't sleep with knowing he wasn't beside me and never would be again. I started to cry and shake. I felt so cold. All of a sudden relaxation slammed into me and my tears stopped flowing. I began to feel warm and safe again, and I drifted off to sleep.
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